Hopping To It

James and Morgan participated in a Hop for Muscular Dystrophy at Nursery School today.

Don`t they make cute bunnies?

James....My Helper

It's been very busy for days now.  I can't remember when the busyness started, but it seems to be unending.  Mostly my own doing as I am purging and organizing....again.  On top of that all 4 boys have been suffering with this lingering cough that goes on all day and all night - even now I can hear one of them coughing.  No one in this house is sleeping well.

Today I was able to accomplish everything I HAD to do by the time I picked the twins up from Nursery School and I was struggling to keep myself together at lunch.  Nicholas was put down for his nap; Evan and Morgan put themselves to bed soon after.   Savoring the quiet moments, I sat on the couch with my tea and found my eyes starting to close.  I don't nap, never have.  Today I almost did. 

Even though it wasn't long before Nicholas was back up, I still couldn't seem to get off the couch.  In fact, I lied down with my eyes closed.  I was only slightly aware of James moving around when I felt a blanket placed on me.  Soon 2 special teddies were snuggled in.  I heard the tap running and a cup of water was brought to me...then another one...and another one - in case my cough got worse (I don't have a cough).  Even when the baby complained about his toys being out of reach, James moved them all closer.  Then back to the kitchen to make me a snack.

James is a helper.  He likes to mimic Luke and I doing our various tasks, especially those that he has to work at figuring out.  He's so proud of the things he accomplishes and talks about what he did to help us again and again.  But today he didn't mimic anyone.  He put his helpfulness to work and took care of his "nice little mommy".

I have to admit, it made me proud to watch him through my slitted eyes.  He knew what he wanted to do and figured out how to get it done. 

And most of all, I felt truly loved. 

Enjoying Winter Together

Luke and I took our 4 boys on a hike.  We bundled up in all our snow clothes and off we went...bundled up just a little too warm.  It was tough going at first as we walked along some deep tractor tire ruts but once we climbed a hill to another pathway, it was a lot easier and a lot more fun.

I was so proud of all 3 boys as they hiked with very few complaints.  They trudged through the deep ruts, crunched through the crust,  fell and got back up - what troopers!

Trudging along the tractor ruts.  Notice the angle Evan is on in the sled.  He got out of the sled soon after and didn't want to get pulled any further.

This was our first attempt at pulling Nicholas.  This sled was too tippy so I went back and got a different one that went much smoother.

Evan's legs are short and he really struggled walking along the tractor ruts.  He insisted on walking though and wouldn't ride in the sled we brought for him.  I only carried him for a short distance as we caught up with the rest.

A much easier path.

We stopped for a snack along the way.

Morgan taking a turn pulling Nicholas.

James making a snow angel.

We tried tobogganing but it wasn't the right kind of snow for it.

James and mommy.

Evan and mommy.

Morgan and mommy.

Nicholas was snug and warm and slept most of the time we hiked. 

They're home!

And so I have survived!  Two nights and two days is a loooong time not to see my precious boys.  There have been a lot of hugs, kisses and snuggles this evening as we caught up on those missed while we were apart. 

I have been surprised at some unexpected opportunities that have made the time very worthwhile even though I missed hearing their voices, listening to their stories, seeing them play and explore their world, and even helping them brush their teeth. Something more than just the obvious break from constant cook, cleaner and referee.

The most significant was how those few hours gave Luke and I some time to be us.  Not just mommy and daddy but actually just us with each other.  Thanks to my parents watching Evan and Nicholas for a few hours, we even went out for dinner.  Last year we managed 3 meals in a restaurant so I'm hopeful this year we can maybe make it out 4 times :)

As I wrote in an earlier blog, I spend many precious minutes sitting and holding my babies.  I had even more time to just sit and savour the moments making them even sweeter.

And the biggest realization was, I love being a mommy to 4 boys!

Packed and ready to go!

Tonight I set the table for 3.  Luke and I sat at dinner and talked about adult stuff.  After dinner we sat down and watched a movie...all the way through.  An adult movie!  The house is quiet.

Packed and ready to go!

James and Morgan packed their suitcases this afternoon while Grandma and Grandad were here and said they were going home with them for a sleepover.  After making sure they were willing to stay all week-end, we re-packed their 10 pairs of underwear each, a piggy bank, books, teddies and extra pajamas to more wearable amounts of clothing and off they went to Breslau for the week-end.

That's 2 full nights away!  Although they were happy to go and I have heard they are enjoying themselves, I'm not sure how mommy is going to do :(  I missed them before they pulled out the lane way.  They've never been away from me for that long before or slept so far away.

But, I smiled and waved good-bye when they left.  And when the next time comes I will do the same.  It will be a really great experience for them and they will enjoy every minute with their grandparents.

I don't have to like it, I just have to accept it.

I'm Holding My Baby

I'm sitting here watching my wee Nicholas as he sleeps.  His diaper was changed, his tummy is full.  He drifted off to sleep the slumber of the satisfied while lying in his mommy's arms.  Every few minutes his little lips make a sucking motion even though he's no longer nursing - must be what his dreams are made of.  His tiny little fist is still clutching my shirt.

And I'm just sitting here, savouring these moments, feeling him breathing, listening to the sounds of Nicholas sleeping.

There are other things that need to be done, but there is nothing more important than this.

I can picture many moments of holding Evan this way.  There were also many moments with the twins, but I didn't have the same luxury of time with them as there was usually another tummy needing to be filled.  Unfortunately once they were all weened, these moments became a thing of memories.  Fortunately I now have my Nicholas to make more memories with :)

I mentioned to a friend of mine that there were a lot of things I wasn't getting to around the house and was closing my eyes pretending there wasn't a mess to tidy or that the floor needed to be washed.  She shared this poem with me.  Oddly enough, another friend has often quoted parts of this poem to me.  Now I read it over to remind myself that it's ok to sit and hold my babies.  I don't know the author but I love the message.

Song for a Fifth Child

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

To-Do Lists

To-do lists...I like them.  I have a perpetual list on the counter.  However, much to my dismay, it seems to be never ending.

I have learned a lot about how I tick since having my twins and moving into the role of being a stay-at-home mom.  One thing I have been surprised to discover is that I base my current feeling of self-worth on what I accomplish.  And with 4 busy boys, sometimes it's really hard to see what I've accomplished by the end of the day - the house looks the same, maybe a little messier than it did in the morning; food was cooked and eaten with nothing to show for it but a load in the dishwasher;  the basket of laundry is still there, only it might have clean clothes in it rather than dirty.  There is nothing for me to look at and think with pride that a task has been accomplished.

That's where to-do lists come in.  It's something tangible I can look at and see a line scratched through a task (or hopefully many tasks) representing something that has gotten done.  It's then that I feel my day has been successful.  That I have offered something to the world around me. 

Oh I know, spending my time raising my boys is an accomplishment.  But it's something that is going to take a lifetime.  Hopefully I get better at it everyday as I've learned a little more about them and myself.  In the meantime, I need these little boosts of self-worth to help me reach the ultimate goal.

Today's task is the piled laundry room.  It's my catch-all space for the things that I don't take the time to put away right away.  Months of catching-all has finally caught up - I need more than a pathway to get to the Christmas decorations.  Interestingly I will also be re-organizing the 2 bathrooms, the hall closet, the cold cellar and office area at the same time...don't ask.

Can I do it?  I really think it is possible.  I am already looking forward to scratching it off today's to-do list...