I'm Holding My Baby

I'm sitting here watching my wee Nicholas as he sleeps.  His diaper was changed, his tummy is full.  He drifted off to sleep the slumber of the satisfied while lying in his mommy's arms.  Every few minutes his little lips make a sucking motion even though he's no longer nursing - must be what his dreams are made of.  His tiny little fist is still clutching my shirt.

And I'm just sitting here, savouring these moments, feeling him breathing, listening to the sounds of Nicholas sleeping.

There are other things that need to be done, but there is nothing more important than this.

I can picture many moments of holding Evan this way.  There were also many moments with the twins, but I didn't have the same luxury of time with them as there was usually another tummy needing to be filled.  Unfortunately once they were all weened, these moments became a thing of memories.  Fortunately I now have my Nicholas to make more memories with :)

I mentioned to a friend of mine that there were a lot of things I wasn't getting to around the house and was closing my eyes pretending there wasn't a mess to tidy or that the floor needed to be washed.  She shared this poem with me.  Oddly enough, another friend has often quoted parts of this poem to me.  Now I read it over to remind myself that it's ok to sit and hold my babies.  I don't know the author but I love the message.

Song for a Fifth Child

Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
hang out the washing and butter the bread,
sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She's up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).
The shopping's not done and there's nothing for stew
and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo
but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.
Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
for children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

To-Do Lists

To-do lists...I like them.  I have a perpetual list on the counter.  However, much to my dismay, it seems to be never ending.

I have learned a lot about how I tick since having my twins and moving into the role of being a stay-at-home mom.  One thing I have been surprised to discover is that I base my current feeling of self-worth on what I accomplish.  And with 4 busy boys, sometimes it's really hard to see what I've accomplished by the end of the day - the house looks the same, maybe a little messier than it did in the morning; food was cooked and eaten with nothing to show for it but a load in the dishwasher;  the basket of laundry is still there, only it might have clean clothes in it rather than dirty.  There is nothing for me to look at and think with pride that a task has been accomplished.

That's where to-do lists come in.  It's something tangible I can look at and see a line scratched through a task (or hopefully many tasks) representing something that has gotten done.  It's then that I feel my day has been successful.  That I have offered something to the world around me. 

Oh I know, spending my time raising my boys is an accomplishment.  But it's something that is going to take a lifetime.  Hopefully I get better at it everyday as I've learned a little more about them and myself.  In the meantime, I need these little boosts of self-worth to help me reach the ultimate goal.

Today's task is the piled laundry room.  It's my catch-all space for the things that I don't take the time to put away right away.  Months of catching-all has finally caught up - I need more than a pathway to get to the Christmas decorations.  Interestingly I will also be re-organizing the 2 bathrooms, the hall closet, the cold cellar and office area at the same time...don't ask.

Can I do it?  I really think it is possible.  I am already looking forward to scratching it off today's to-do list...

Nicholas at 2 months

This is especially for you Aunt Susie.

Ahhh, my darling wee Nicholas!  I think the video shows all that is necessary to say.  Everyday I am fascinated at how he is developing and spend a good portion of time just watching him.  We are having a birthday meal for Evan tomorrow so I should be finishing my cleaning and tidying while the bigger boys are still napping.  But, instead, I am making and posting this little video to share :)

Nicholas is the squirmiest baby of the 4 - it's all the kicking and waving.  He turned almost 180 degrees while playing on the floor this time.

Evan

My little Evan is such a sweetheart!  He has always been quiet and cautious, yet determined.  He's contented most of the time and he'll sit and watch the goings-on around him or happily entertain himself.  But from a tiny baby on, you know when he wants something!  It was always good that he determinedly stated his needs with two older louder brothers. 

He was an easy baby and such a joy.  I loved having twins but with twins comes extreme busyness and it was harder to really savour the moments.  But with my little singleton, I was able to spend more time savouring - even with 2 toddlers running about.  He happily sat and played on his own until he got moving and from then on he was in the midst of the hoopla doing just what his big brothers did.  Some of his first words included his brothers names. 

His birthday is next week, he'll turn 2.  Already.  He's growing up so fast, they all are.  Sigh.

At just under 2 years old, he talks in sentences using his large vocabulary.  Actually, there's a lot of times now when he just won't stop talking!  Like in the van driving anywhere, at the table for meals, getting ready for bed, sitting on the potty....you get the picture. 

And still he remains a very mellow little fellow.  Or so he was, until last week!

One evening he didn't want anything - didn't want to be talked to, didn't want to be ignored, didn't want to eat, didn't want to leave the table...  All I heard was this drawn out "noooo-oooo" sounding like a two syllable word that would be cute if it wasn't said so forcefully and repeatedly.  Well, a week later I am still hearing "no".  Thankfully I get these wonderful glimpses of my sweet little guy mixed in with the "no" man.

It makes me wonder...have the terrible 2's set in before he turns 2?  Or, is he getting some teeth? 

I'm hoping it's only teeth.  Especially after the melt down about lunch today that ended 45 minutes later with him climbing back up to the table to "eat yunch" where he proceeded to eat everything he had just refused, pushed away or thrown on the floor. 

If it is the terrible 2's I may have to re-evaluate my thoughts on the twins being harder than the singleton.

The Beginning

All is quiet in the house.  Everyone is asleep but me.  I should be in bed, but I'm not.  Instead I'm sitting at the computer writing my first blog.

Generally I'm more of a night person than a morning person, but my life has changed a lot in the last 8 weeks.  James and Morgan started Nursery School.  Evan started potty training.  Nicholas was born.  So between 3 active boys and a newborn, my sleep is precious and I'm often in bed by 10 now.  That's my uninterrupted time to read.

Tonight I am determined.  I have been mulling this blog over for awhile and so I have finally begun.  I want to record these precious moments.  I want to share my thoughts on being mommy to these 4 boys of mine.  I can't seem to find the time to e-mail or make a phone call like I used to to share with people I don't see all the time.  So, this is my answer to feeling I'm neglecting something.    

Another good reason for a blog - I'll feel a sense of accountability to update the blog every so often when I know someone might check it out now and then.

And now I can sleep well tonight.  I accomplished something out of the ordinary routine.  I now have my own spot to blog.